spider eye studios

What straight couples have legally and commonly don't want, and what gay couples don't have legally and commonly want.

Irony in the first degree.

Politically correct way of saying that you look like shit.

Showed up real early at a swim meet the other day, this guy says, "you look tired". What he meant to say was, "you look like shit".

1) malapropism for 'intents and purposes'

2) seriously determined and focused aquatic mammals, dangerous to sharks

For all intensive porpoises, whiskey and vodka will both mess you up in a similar manner if you drink enough

the 6th of May - a special holiday, devoted to nursing hangovers and otherwise dealing with the consequences of Cinco de Mayo

Tom: "Hey Dave, why didn't you show up for work yesterday?"
Dave: "It was May 6th, remember?"
Tom: "Duuude, you were so wasted on Cinco de Mayo- you downed like a full bottle of tequila! That must've been a killer hangover!"
Dave: "That's what why we have Seis de Mayo and aspirin."

Drinko de Mayo is the great Mexican holiday which falls during the month of May. This holliday is not held to any schedule like the ever so regulated "Cinco de Mayo", or May 5th in our native English tongue. Drinko de Mayo is the holiday that celebrates the consumption of copius amounts of Tequila, by men women and children alike. This holiday is often attended by college students on or around finals, and wearing a sombrero is not required, but is generally preferred.

Finals??? On Drinko de Mayo??? WTF man?!

"Are you guys going out tonight?"
"Hells yeah, I got a handle of Cuervo, its Drinko de Mayo, Baby!!!!"

The constant stream of tears you produce when you're extremely tired and need some sleep.

I knew that I really needed to go to bed because of all of my tired tears.

n.
Phonetics for Cluster-Fuck

"This is a real Charlie Foxtrot assignment."

To make out, snog, french kiss

"Will you shift my friend over there?"

The day after Easter Sunday when everyone has a surplus of hardboiled eggs. These eggs are often used up by making egg salad.

"I'm suffering the adverse effects of Egg Salad Monday".
"I'm out of town on Easter Weekend, but I think I can come by on Egg Salad Monday.

The celebration in which juvenile primates hunt for the colored shells of unborn dinosaur young planted by a small, furry woodland creature all in commemoration of a middle ages cult belief that 2000 years ago a zombie walked the earth.

What's that screeching from the park? It's just the little kids looking for easter eggs.

A slightly rude way of saying "no".

Friend 1: You and Jen have been broken up for 6 months now... would it be cool if I asked her out?

Friend 2: Does a Catholic Priest make a good babysitter? Asshole.

the fastest way to lose money

John: I tried my hands at stock market today.
Jane: That explains missing money from our account.

A man that is known to be gay.

Man #1: "Dude, Joe sure seems to get a lot of ladies."

Man #2: "Naw, not him. He is a member of the Order of the Broken Wrist."

Man #1: "No kidding? I thought he liked girls."

The act of taking out a cell phone from one's pocket or purse, resulting in other people in the vicinity taking out and checking their phones as well.

As Harriet pulled her cell from her pocket to check for new text messages, her circle of friends phone-yawned, pulling out and checking their phones too. Not Becky; she lost her phone at the club the night before.

To use hate and bigotry to spread a political message.

Named after Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry's infamous video/ad of the same name.

Rick Perry lover: If we want to fix our economy, we need to stop giving welfare to the minority races.

Normal guy: Oh no he's gone Rick Perry Strong! Quick let's get him to a psychiatrist before he starts talking about making his religion and homophobia mandatory.

The shittiest piece of legislation the U.S. government ever came up with.

uhm, whats that internet thing again? is that what all the kiddies are stealing music with? we better fix that...

don't let the internet take a SOPA to the knee.

The one-up rivalry that moms play making their child seem better, smarter, and/ or more advanced than yours. May involve two or more moms and any number of children, even full-grown.

She engaged me in mompetition insisting her son walked at 6 months and implying my son was slow for his age.

Letting people know where you are through Google maps or any app that shows your location on a map.

Bored person wanting to meet up with friends: Come on, let me know where you're at. Drop the pin dude!

Person needing alone time: "I know its Friday but I'm not dropping the pin anywhere tonight."

What zombies eat.

The zombies attacked some survivors and got their fill of brainchow.

having noiseless sex (no squeaking springs or vocals) while one or more people are passed out in the same room.

li'l B was drunk and passed out in our room. we were horny, so we had ninja sex.